Spider webs...

I can't believe I have neglected this blog for almost a year. I can't believe how good 2013 has been treating me so far, I am eternally grateful for everything that I have received. I will post review of my year so far in the next few post. In the mean time, enjoy the rest of the year. 😊

Love,

Premium Beautiful

I have started to wear the famous corset, Premium Beautiful since 3 days ago. What I can tell you is that it feels so good wearing it. Even though I had to struggle with it on the first day, but after a while, it feels like a second skin to me. I can't wait to see the result when the school reopens later. Wish me luck! ;)

Love,

Selling!

I don't usually do this, but here I am selling these new books and perfume.

1. Nicholas Sparks' The Best of Me (SOLD!)
Reason for selling: I bought this book online and did not realize that I had already bought one a few months earlier. It is still new, not yet read & still in good condition. Selling price is RM20.

2. Lindsey Kelk's I Heart Vegas
Reason for selling: Same as above. Selling price is RM15.

3. Hugo Boss Perfume (free FCUK Friction perfume for men)
Reason for selling: Bought it wrongly for a friend, not yet open, still sealed. I'm throwing in a free FCUK Friction perfume for men. Selling price is RM150.

All items are still in good condition, new and I guarantee that they are originals. I prefer to sell all these to serious buyers who live in Kuching as it is easier to give them in person, so that no one will accuse me of cheating/lying/selling fake products. So, if you're interested & live in Kuching, please leave your comment. I'm more than happy to answer your questions. :)

Love,

A gentleman

I will always remember a gentleman, who stood outside the elevator of Grand Blue Wave Hotel, Shah Alam back in 2009.  Why? Well, here's my story.

I was instructed to go to a course for newbies at Grand Blue Wave, Shah Alam. It was a 3 or 4 days course & all the newbies from the whole country would be there. With a heavy heart, I packed my bags & went to the course. It was not like I had a choice anyway. I arrived early at the said hotel, registered my name & went to my allocated room to freshen up.

The first slot started at night, so my roommate & I went to the banquet hall, took our seats all the way at the back & listened to the talk. As usual, my eyes started to scan the hall, looking for someone familiar, but I saw none. Towards the end of the first slot, I saw a handsome man, way in front. He was standing up, talking to the person next to him. I was transfixed by his good looking face. Realizing that everyone had gone out of the hall, I immediately put away all my stuff & walked out of the hall, thinking about the handsome man.

Since that night, I always looked forward to the remaining slots because I wanted to see him, the nameless handsome man. I only knew his name on the last slot, when the MC announced placement for each participant. I managed to catch his name. Let me just call him Mr. K. 

After the last slot, we parted ways. I went back to my room, took out several important documents & went downstairs to extend my stay at the hotel. I went to the elevator & guess who I saw? Mr. K.!!! He was standing by the elevator, looked like he was waiting for the elevator as well. He asked me whether I wanted to go up or down, I was speechless for a moment before I could mutter a lame answer, "Down.". He pressed the down button & let me into the elevator. I was so mesmerized by him that I forgot to thank him. What a dork. He must thought that I had no manners. *sigh*

When I went back to my room, I looked him up on Facebook. I found him then I added him but I never talked to him. That was until last year, 26 August 2011. It was Report Card day. I talked to a few parents then suddenly I heard a message on my phone. I opened it, to my surprise, it was him, Mr. K.! He was wishing me Happy Eid. At the same time, he asked for my phone number. I replied his message & gave him my number.

He only replied my message after Eid. From that moment onwards, we text each other everyday, wishing each other good night. Once in a while, he will call me 'b', dear, sunshine, which makes me melt. It has been a year since we texted each other. Now we use WhatsApp as it is free & we can talk about a lot of stuff. 

I don't know how he feels about me as I never told him about mine. We never talked about us but I hope we have a future together, I really pray for it. To Mr. K., I will always remember a gentleman who stood outside the elevator. :)

*Picture taken from Google.

Love,

Phwoarrr!!!

OMG! I can see many spider webs here and there in my blog. I'm done giving this excuse, "I have been extremely busy". There is no reason actually. It is just that I always forgot that I have a blog. See? I'm giving excuse again. OK, I promise I will tell you something in my next post. Stay tune (I feel like a DJ)! :)

Love,

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri 2012

To everyone out there, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. I hope it is not too late for me to wish you a blessed Eid and drive safely on the road. :)

Credit to Google for the lovely picture.

Love,

That’s so random

I write random poems. I do not know where the ideas come from. I just write. Sometimes I scribble them down in a notebook, sometimes on a piece of paper. But often time, they just stay in my head. I used to keep a book with lots of poems which I wrote in the middle of the night, when I could not sleep. Sadly, I have misplaced the book after I moved back to my hometown after I finished my study. I would give anything and everything to have the book back. I have to start again from square one. So here I come!

Love,

Get up, get on up

The moment you give up
after you fail,
is the moment
you waste everything away.
Your hardwork,
your effort.
Get up, get on up
until you can soar
high up in the sky.

- A. Idris -
3.56 pm
The Spring Concourse

Love,

Congratulations to Spain

UEFA Euro 2012 has ended about half an hour ago with Spain winning the championship. Even though I'm a hardcore Germany fan, but when they won, it means they deserve the win. I was quite disappointed when Germany lost to Italy and disqualified from final but it doesn't matter because Germany is still the best team in the world, to me as I have been supporting them since 1998 (Wow! 14 years & counting). So to the winning team, Spain, enjoy the winning & we'll meet again in World Cup 2014.

P/S: Spanish men are hot! :)

Love,

Seldom is the key word

I seldom post something in here anymore. The reason being is I am super duper busy with assignments, presentations and thesis. All those things have taken all my free time. I can say that I do not even have time to hang out with friends anymore. I spend most of my time on the internet, doing research and going to the library to read. Yep, you read that correctly. I read. So what do I read? Everything, newspapers articles, intellectual books, journals which take a few days to be digested, basically I read everything. This is the sacrifice I have to make. After one year, I will be a graduate again, a Master graduate to be precise. I will be making my parents proud, most of all I will be one step closer to achieve my life-long dream, to become a well-known academician or maybe a photojournalist, or perhaps an editor, whichever comes first. Bear with me, just for a little while longer. I promise I will write something intelligent in here.

Love,

To his Coy Mistress - Andrew Marvell

A poem for the month of June. :)

Had we but world enough, and time,
This coyness, lady, were no crime.
We would sit down and think which way
To walk, and pass our long love's day;
Thou by the Indian Ganges' side
Shouldst rubies find; I by the tide
Of Humber would complain. I would
Love you ten years before the Flood;
And you should, if you please, refuse
Till the conversion of the Jews.
My vegetable love should grow
Vaster than empires, and more slow.
An hundred years should go to praise
Thine eyes, and on thy forehead gaze;
Two hundred to adore each breast,
But thirty thousand to the rest;
An age at least to every part,
And the last age should show your heart.
For, lady, you deserve this state,
Nor would I love at lower rate.

But at my back I always hear
Time's winged chariot hurrying near;
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast eternity.
Thy beauty shall no more be found,
Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound
My echoing song; then worms shall try
That long preserv'd virginity,
And your quaint honour turn to dust,
And into ashes all my lust.
The grave's a fine and private place,
But none I think do there embrace.

Now therefore, while the youthful hue
Sits on thy skin like morning dew,
And while thy willing soul transpires
At every pore with instant fires,
Now let us sport us while we may;
And now, like am'rous birds of prey,
Rather at once our time devour,
Than languish in his slow-chapp'd power.
Let us roll all our strength, and all
Our sweetness, up into one ball;
And tear our pleasures with rough strife
Thorough the iron gates of life.
Thus, though we cannot make our sun
Stand still, yet we will make him run. 

Love,

Leap year

So for post number 50 on 29 February 2012, I'm not going to talk much because I have no ideas on what to write. I lost my mojo somewhere. I'll try to get it back later. But for now, Happy Leap Year day everyone!

P/S: I am officially a gym member today. I registered myself at Muay Thai Gym to enjoy all the privileges. Waiting for my membership card. I can't wait to see my own photo on it. :)

Love,

Hustle and bustle

Even though I don't have class on the weekend, but I still live in a busy world of work. I think my workload has increased without my knowledge. I can see papers and students' work piling up on my table. I haven't get the time to check all their work. Too many other things to settle, some of which are not related to my job.

Sometimes I only get 2 hours of sleep. Sometimes less. Sometimes I can't even sleep due to over-thinking. *sigh* I wonder when can I get enough rest, as in 8 hours of sleep, lazing around reading novels and not doing anything else, especially work. I just hope that I don't fall asleep while walking or bathing.  :)

* Picture taken from Google

Love,

V-day :)

I, Lonely Soul would like to wish everyone a very Happy Valentine's Day. I hope everyone will enjoy spending time with your loved ones. :)

I leave you with this song, my all time favourite by Nat King Cole, L.O.V.E.

Love,

I Will Always Love You

Today, I woke up at 11.22 am. I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and washed my face. As usual, I switched on my laptop and was a bit confused when I saw somebody posted an MTV by Whitney Houston, One Moment In Time with this caption, "In Memory of Whitney Houston (Aug 9, 1963- February 11, 2012)". In my mind, I immediately assumed that she has passed away, but that would be impossible because I just read about her yesterday and I saw her on Oprah a few days ago before I went to class. 

Quickly, I typed Whitney Houston in Google and true enough, she has died at the age of 48. Oh Whitney. I never thought that you would gone this soon. I grew up listening to most of your songs. Only a few weeks ago, one radio station played all your greatest hits from 10 am until 12 pm and I listened to all of your songs for that full 2 hours. I really love your songs because of the positive messages in them.

A star is gone but the legacy lives on. Thank you Whitney Houston for entertaining us with your beautiful voice. May your soul rest in peace. I leave you readers out there with one of my favorite songs from Whitney, One Moment In Time.

Love,

Morning

Thinking of you
when I wake up
every morning.
You're the reason
for my happiness.
You're the reason
for the smile
on my face.
You're the reason
I can go through the day.
I pray that you will be
with me,
until my last breath.

This impromptu poem is dedicated to someone. I hope you like it. I know it's very simple, I'll try my hardest next time. :)

Love,
Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

It's time

Today marks the end of one week of holiday that I enjoyed so much. I have to go back to where I belong after this. Next month will be the beginning of a busy month, at least for me. I don't know about the others.

Sometimes I wish we get more holidays. Don't get me wrong. We do get more holidays than others. I just don't get the ridiculous things that are going on. Never mind. It's hard to explain anyway.

Tomorrow, I'll be busy again. I hope I can steal some time to update my blog. One of my resolutions for this year is to blog more. I hope I can achieve that. It's time now. See you soon.

Love,

I don't have a suitable title for this poem

This is a 15 minutes poem, which I did with my students for English class. I was imagining myself on a busy street, when suddenly flashbacks came to me, resulting me to stand in the middle of the busy street. So here goes...

I stand,

in the middle

of the bustling street,

flashbacks engulfing me.

I still remember
the look on his face.
Hurt, confused, sadness...
Questions clouded his face.

Why did it end?
Unexpectedly and suddenly.
My life is a mess
surrounded by darkness.
I have no direction,
I have no where to go.

The honk of the car startled me,
Pulling me back
to the reality of life.
I continue walking
on the pavement
and heading to the future.

Can anyone suggest a title for this poem? I would love to hear from everyone out there. :) 

Love, 

Happy Chinese New Year!!!

I, Lonely Soul, would like to wish my blog readers who are celebrating Chinese New Year a very prosperous and joyful new year! Xin Nian Kuai Le, Gong Xi Fa Cai, Wan She Ru Yi!

Love,

Xin Nian Kuai Le!

It's Chinese New Year holiday peeps! What are your plans for this holiday? I bet everyone will be busy visiting friends and relatives. I know I am.

By the way, I have been meaning to update my blog but I was too preoccupied with my research proposal. It was giving me nightmares, not to mention headaches. I submitted it to my lecturer yesterday and yesterday marked the end of the first semester for me. Yeay! Now I can sleep like no one's business.

This year, I also have a new resolution which is going to the gym. It's for health, plus I can mingle around with new people. Who knows I can meet 'the one'. Just kidding. I have no plans for that at this moment. I just want to be healthy and lose some weight, so that I can fit into my old working attires. It's very depressing to see them hanging in the closet and I can't fit into them anymore. *sigh*

I have so many plans for this one week of holidays, well, let's see if I can fit all my plans in this short time. I'll update again soon. 

Love,

Happy New Year 2012!!!

I, Lonely Soul, would like to wish everyone a very happy New Year 2012. I won't be able to blog on New Year's eve, so I put this scheduled entry. I hope everyone is looking forward to a brand new start with positive mind. With this, I'll leave you with a quote:

"The Old Year has gone. Let the dead past bury its own dead. The New Year has taken possession of the clock of time.  All hail the duties and possibilities of the coming twelve months! - Edward Payson Powell"

Love,

Sometime it sucks, only sometimes

I have to admit, living alone sometimes sucks big time, especially when you have problems and you don't have anyone to talk to about your problems.

When it comes to sharing problems, I only share them with people I trust. So how many people do I trust in this world? Only 2. They are my sisters but 'fret not because I don't share everything with them. Some of them I prefer to keep to myself. I don't like to kiss and tell everything because some of the secrets are meant to be kept. Usually when it comes to relationship, I prefer to talk about it with my sisters because no one, not even my friends can understand them better than my sisters do. Even though they are too honest when giving their opinions, but I really appreciate their advises because they mean well and they don't want me to be broken-hearted by love. Well, sometimes we are too blind to see everything in front of us as we are being clouded by love.

Plus, I have problems trusting people. I had bad memories about TRUST. I used to trust so-called friends, only to be betrayed by them in the end. So now, I am extremely cautious and careful to whom I am sharing my stories with. Not everyone can be trusted. Some of them only want to know your stories and later spreading them to the whole world. I have had enough of these kind of people. To me, it is better if I just open up everything in my blog. Readers might be judging my stories but blog is the only tool who listens without being judgmental. That is the only way I prefer. 

Well, no matter what it is, some things are not to be revealed. Don't you think so?

Love,

Seldom is the keyword

I seldom post something in here anymore. The reason being is I am super duper busy with assignments, presentations and thesis. All those things have taken all my free time. I can say that I do not even have time to hang out with friends anymore.

I spend most of my time on the internet, doing research and going to the library to read. Yep, you read that correctly. I read. So what do I read? Everything, newspapers articles, intellectual books, journals which take a few days to be digested, basically I read everything. This is the sacrifice I have to make.

After one year, I will be a graduate again, a Master graduate to be precise. I will be making my parents proud, most of all I will be one step closer to achieve my life-long dream, to become a well-known academician or maybe a photojournalist, or perhaps an editor, whichever comes first. Bear with me, just for a little while longer. I promise I will write something intelligent in here.

Love,
Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

Presentation

The one thing I really despise when I become a part-time student again is presentation. I despise talking in public. I will become extremely nervous, i.e. stomachache, butterflies in the tummy (not in a good way), cold, the urge to vomit will become stronger by each passing minute, sometimes headache, backpain & etc. I don't know if anyone would call that stage fright. I would call it presentation-o-phobia.

But the best thing is, after the presentation, I often feel like the weight has been lifted off my shoulder. A feeling of satisfaction will creep in the moment I say "Thank you for listening" or "Thank you for lending your ears". I will feel like I'm on top of the world. I love the feeling so much and I will not even bother with the marks that I will get. Just being able to present and share my knowledge and opinion with my classmates make me feel excited.

Overall, doing presentation is not so bad at all, especially when you're not thinking about the nauseaness. Trust me.

Love,

Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

Merry Christmas!

I, Lonely Soul, would like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas. May this festival brings abundant joy & happiness in your life! Ho ho ho!

*Picture taken from Google Image.

Love,

It's nearing to the end and the start of something new

It's the end of the year, it's December, my December, your December & every one's December. So how has this year been treating you until now? Did you have a good time this year? Found love? Got married? Delivered a baby? Or busy cracking your head reading all the journals just to complete your Masters study? Mine is the latter. Although I find it flattering to be called a post-graduate student, but sometimes I have to cope with the stress that comes with it. I won't call myself a student if I don't have a permanent brain damage. 

This year also marks the end of my relationship problem. After this I won't be in any relationship anymore. I'm done hurting myself, I'm done hurting my heart and I'm done hurting my eyes crying for all those non-sense. The last relationship I had didn't end so good. I was loyal but he cheated on me. I was a fool for believing in everything he said, turned out he only wanted my money. After he had done spending my money until I was broke, then he left me to be with a b*tch. Yes, you guessed it, he used my money to spend on that b*tch. I vow to myself that that would be the end of it. I don't want to get involve with anyone else after this. Enough is enough. I just want to concentrate on my job and study. Getting my Master Degree is the most important thing to me.

I'm hoping next year, 2012 will bring lots of good things to me, money, career, study, health and family. I have set my targets on a few important matters. What are they? Well, I'll reveal after I have accomplished my mission. Stay tune! 

Love,

Don't try this at home, or anywhere else for that matter

I am blogging from somewhere, a place I cannot reveal due to safety matters. Ok, I am exaggerating. Actually I am in a meeting but since I am always daydreaming during meeting, I decided to blog.

So what will be my topic today? Life? Movie? Music? Book? Love? Hmm... It is a tough choice to make. But I have made up my mind and decided to talk about love.

I have a habit of running away from love, especially when I realize that I am in love with someone. It happens all the time. So why am I running away?

Numero uno, I do not want to fall deeper in love with that person, especially if he does not know about it. I do not want things to be awkward between the two of us. Some people might say that we should tell that person about our feelings, but I beg to differ because that person might only like us as friend. Most of us have problems dealing with rejection, I am one of them.

Number two, to me, falling in love is a problem, which I do not like to face. Thus the need to run away. If possible, I want to forget about the feeling. But most importantly, I want to run away from that person. The longer I stay close to that person, the more obvious my feelings would show. So before anything happen, I better stay away.

Number three, hmmm... I cannot think of reason for number three actually because the two reasons above have explained a lot about my situation. Yes, running away from love is the only solution I can think of. How I hope I can be someone who is strong to face everything but I am not, I cannot be and I will not be. Yes, I am very fragile when it comes to the matter of the heart.

Ok, so why am I blogging about this? Because I am in this situation right now. Yesterday, I found out I am in love, with someone, after a very long time. Now I wish I have time-travelling machine so that I can go to the future or go back to the past.

Since I cannot go anywhere, let me just concentrate on my work and praying that the feeling will go away. Later!

Love,

Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

Something to share with fellow friends who are in teaching field

Do you agree?

A girl can dream :)

... and I am dreaming of dancing a slow, romantic dance to this favourite song of mine by Iron & Wine, Flightless Bird, American Mouth, with that special someone. 

I often imagine myself at a ball, with the ballroom magnificently decorated with flowers and candles (candle has always been associated with romantic mood and feeling), I would be wearing decent and sweet pastel gown (if I happen to get my period, then I would change to darker colour), hair decorated with small flowers and elegant heels. 

As the night goes on, the lights are dimmed and the ballroom is bathed with soft candle light, my mysterious dream man would come and ask me to dance. As we step on the dance floor, Iron & Wine would be played and we will be swaying together to the music. That, to me is super duper romantic and I am still waiting for it to happen.

Some people will tell me to be realistic but hey, a girl can dream right? So what is your romantic dream?

The dress

The hair

The heels

The romantic ballroom

*All images are taken from Google image.

Love,

Commitment phobia? Not!

Every year, my relatives will never forget to ask me this question, "When are you getting married?"

Sincerely and honestly, I don't have the answer to that question. No specific answer at all. I can just simply answer - tomorrow, next month, next year or even later. But no, I won't be giving you ridiculous answers.
 

Why is everyone so concern about me not getting married? I would prefer if you ask me, "When are you going to finish your Master study?", "When are you going to bake another cheese cake?" or "When are we going to hang out?". 

Don't tell me how to answer "When are you going to get married?" question, especially those of you who are happily married with 8 kids and another one on the way. Just don't, because you are going to annoy the hell out of me. 

It's not that I don't want to get married. I would be a fool if I say I don't want to get married. I do want to get married with the love of my life, or someone who loves me as much as I do love him. It's just that the time has not come. Plus, I still have a lot of things to settle (bills, loans, etc) and learn (cooking, baking, etc). I feel that I am still not ready to go to the next phase.

Am I becoming a commitment phobia? Rest assured people. I am not. I am looking forward to spend the rest of my life with my soulmate, where ever he is. Just give me time and stop asking that annoying question, or I might as you back, "When are you going to die?". Deal?

Love,

Anything will do

Remember yesterday I posted about writing something intellectual and stimulating? Well, I did not get to it. Before anyone accuse me of giving so many lame excuses, let me explain myself. 

I wanted to write, but I was swarmed with so many important things to settle. I went out for breaking fast with my parents because I miss them. 

You see, I do not live with my parents but I live alone near where I work. The reason is because it is hard for me to commute from home to work. Near my house, there is a school. Before 630 am, it will be jam-packed with kids and parents who apparently make their own traffic rules. 

The parents park anywhere they want, causing jam for both sides of the road. The kids, it is sad to say that they do not even bother to look left and right. I do not know where they learn to cross the road like that. 

Therefore, every single day I have to go out as early as 610 am to avoid the congestion. So two years ago, I opted to stay outside, near my workplace. Besides, it is easier for me as I don't have to drive out at night anymore. My parents are OK with my decision. The only downside of it is I have to buy my own things like cooker, fridge, TV, vacuum cleaner and stuff.

So, back to the story, yesterday I bought induction cooker, rice cooker, a pot, cooking equipments and some food for me to start cooking. At last, we finished around 9. By the time I got home, I was too tired to do anything. 

Maybe I will start today, perhaps. Just let me think of one good topic and I'll share my opinion on it, or maybe you can just read my random ramblings. Later.

Love,

Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

Two months of something

I've realised that I haven't updated anything in my blog for two months. Everytime I log into my blog, I would stare at it for a few minutes, thinking hard on what to write. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, when I lie awake on my bed, ideas would come like it is nobody's business. But I would be too lazy to get up and put it in my blog. I don't know if this has ever happened to anyone else, or is it just me. I guess I have lost my mojo in writing. 7 years ago, I can write everything & anything under the sun. But now, it's very hard to get the ideas out of my head. I often wonder, is it because of my never-ending workload which caused this problem? Or is it because my life is dull & boring? Perhaps both. Nowadays, everything revolves around work, work, work. I seldom go out having fun with friends, catch the latest movies, read my favourite novels, or just drive around town doing something spontaneous. Geez, I really need to loosen up or else I'll go crazy. I'm thinking of writing something intellectual and useful later. So wish me luck.

Love,
Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

Fun-filled day

14 June 2011

Yesterday, my school was celebrating Teacher's Day. Even though the real Teacher's Day was a month ago, but yesterday's celebration was grand & better than last year's. The students were very creative in organizing interesting performances and activities. The best part was the award show, ala Anugerah Skrin or Anugerah Bintang Popular Berita Harian. There were many categories & many nominees. I was nominated for Anugerah Guru Berjiwa Muda. I was very confident that I didn't win because all the nominees are more qualified to win this category. Besides, I'm a newbie so who would vote for me. 

Nevertheless, when they announced the winner, I was shocked & could not believe my ears. Yes, I have won. Luckily I was appropriately dressed for the occasion. I went up, took my hamper & smiled non-stop. Gosh, it was truly great. I mean, who would have guessed. After the event, we went to the staffroom to cool down before we were off to the dining hall. I got to eat with my mentees as this will be the last year for them, they are going to finish school soon & I know I am going to miss them. Apart from the hamper, a student also gave me a make-up bag, some mugs from ex-students, sweets & assortments from other colleague & others. Overall, I felt appreciated by them & although I know I won't be here long, but I am glad to teach the, while I am still here.

Love,

Sleepyhead

I have another 1 hour until I finish all my classes. I love Friday because I only have 2 classes with my Form 1 kids. Then after recess I'll be free as a bird. I am super duper sleepy today but I have to bring my sisters out as I have promised them a trip to K-Box. I might sleep there I think. That's all for now. I'll update again soon.

Love,
Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

Breathe easy

16 April 2011

I am back. After almost a month living in a world full of crappy things, now I can breathe easily and most importantly, I can get plenty of rest. Although I miss the busy lifestyle (because I managed to shed a few pounds), but I prefer to get more rest or else I would get sick.

So where have I been? I had the most hectic schedule from March until early April. I didn't even get to celebrate my mom's and my own birthdays. I was in Labuan for English drama competition from 31 March until 3 April, my mom's birthday was on 2 April. See? I was miles away from her on her special day. It made me sad and I cried when I sang her the birthday song. I have been planning to bring her to K-Box and surprise her with cake and presents but at the last minute I was asked to go to Labuan. Sorry mom, I hope I can celebrate your birthday next year, all 5 of us.

Then, after I had finished all my business in Labuan, I was again busy with English Drama in Kuching and I didn't get to celebrate my birthday with my beloved family. How pathetic is that? I was seriously bumped. But at the end of the day I bought two cakes and celebrated it with my "twins" (the students who were born on the same day as me). I did have fun, I truly did because a special guest appeared, him. He took a few minutes off practice to be with all of us. :)

Now is May and it is exam month. You won't find me anywhere except bury deep down in all those test papers, but I love my job. Seriously!

Love,

Invigilating exam

I am currently invigilating exam for the class that I am teaching. To tell you the truth, it is not fun because I tend to fall asleep after a few minutes. I would rather teach as I can walk around and shoot them with killer questions, or sometimes we can do activities based on their creativity and imagination. When invigilating, I can only sit around and do nothing except watching them. I wanted to bring my laptop in but something fishy is going on with my laptop and I feel like throwing it outside. *sigh* That's life anyway and I am grateful for everything.

Love,
Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

Concerto

I have just finished watching my school band performed their preview concert. It was awesome. Too bad I had to sit alone. I couldn't get enough of the music. One hour is too short but they had to wrap up early as most of the students' parents are already waiting for them. There are 2 guest conductors from Northfolk Music School, came in just to watch and at the same time giving them tips on improving their performance for Wind Orchestra competition next month. I am extremely hungry now but I refuse to eat alone. If my sisters are with me, I might asked them to go to McDonald for supper. Then again, I think I just cook something later. For now, let me just enjoy my time alone.

Love,
Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

Just testing

I'm trying to post an entry by using my Blackberry. I hope it works as I don't really have time to post by using my notebook. Plus I can post entries wherever I go, even in the toilet when doing business. *wink*

Love,
Ms. K
Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

He made me smile all day

I was browsing through the wall of my Facebook when I saw this:

I felt so sorry for him, so I sent him a poem, just to give him the encouragement that he needs. I know people like him won't have time to read my message. But to my surprise...

He really made me smile all day long. Now I can't sleep. Thank you Fahrin. :) You make me fly so high.

Love,

Sick, sick, sick

I have been neglecting my blog lately. I didn't mean to. I have been sick for the past 3 days. I was down with fever, flu and cough. A perfect combo. Usually I only get sick early in the year, due to the weather. It has been raining heavily these past few days and sometimes I forgot to bring my umbrella to work, thus I had to run in the rain. 

On the first day, I found out I only have paracetamol. So in the afternoon, I went out and bought cough syrup, soluble (for flu), another bottle of paracetamol, and guess what? I managed to add Maybelline Magnum Super Film mascara in it. It doesn't mean that when you're sick, you have to look sick. I still look after my appearance. I'm not the one who likes to look pale and sick in front of others. I prefer to look fresh and healthy, no matter how sick I am.

The rest of the days, until now, were torturous for me. I couldn't stand the air-cond, I get cold easily, coughing like there's no tomorrow, not enough sleep, lost some weight and spent most of my time napping. A lot of work are left pending. So tonight, I decided to finish everything so that I can concentrate on doing other work next week.

Love,

Pergilah Ayu

The lyrics and the song means a lot to me. 

Kosong hidupku tanpa mu

cerminku membayangkan

bayanganmu

pameran kaseh ku layu

tiada dirimu tiada untukku

Tinggalkan ku dlm angan ku

sakitku mencintaimu

deritaku

merinduimu

lemah hati menginginkanmu

Kau hilang terus kau menyepi

tawaku bila ku ketahui

berita kau sudah berpunya

hancur hatiku

berkeping keping jadinya

Hilangku bukan kerana cinta

hilang

ku bukan untuk menyeksa

bagiku semua tiada berharga

biarku telan semua

derita

Chorus 1

Pergilah kau pergi dariku

biarkankujalani hidup

tanpamu

tiada cinta dan kasehmu

meski hati merelai

rap

Mati hariku

dikotak sepi

di situ kau mula mahu mengenalinya

langkah ku songsang mula ku

sedari

semula ku hias kau jauh dah pergi ya

Putus komunikasi kau elakkan diri

ku mencari jalan kembali kau mahu terus pergi

ku ingatkan kau memori kau

tutupkan telinga

nyata tiada kita nyata tiada jalan penyambungnya

YA

ALLLAH

MAHA PEMURAH DAN MAHA PENCIPTA

terima kasih atas pertemuan antara aku

dan dia

jika nyata bukan dia pemilik tulang rusukku

kikiskanlah pesonanya

dari kedua mata

dengan kelebihan dan kekurangan yang ada

bahagia kanlah

mereka ku doakannya

pada MU kupohon sucikan hatiku

sehinga dapat melaksana

kehendak dan rencana MU

AMIN

Chorus 2

Pergilah pergilah ayu

jangan kau

hiraukan tentang diriku

pergi kau pergi kau ayu

kuanggapkan ini satu

tragedi

Kau hapuskan semua yang kita bina

kau hancurkan

harapan ku

untuk hidup bahgia bersamamu

Berkali kau

bersumpah untuk berubah

tapi janji kosongmu

tak sudah sudah,entah sampai

bila

kaulepaskan saja aku

chorus 2

Pergilah pergilah ayu

jangan kau

hiraukan tentang diriku

pergi kau pergi kau ayu

kuanggapkan ini satu

tragedi

chorus 1

Pergilah kau pergi dariku

biarkankujalani hidup

tanpamu

tiada cinta dan kasehmu

meski hati merelai

Love,

I decided

I have decided to write in two languages in my blog, one is definitely English (though you may find some grammatical errors but I don't care because I like to write in English) for normal and day-to-day stuff and the other one will be my native language, which is Malay, especially when I am writing about personal stuff. I feel more comfortable writing about my feelings in my native language (though I am not so good at it but at least I can improve myself). So just watch out for the next entry.

Love,

Meeting or mating?

While some people prefer to hang out at the office waiting for meeting to start, I prefer to go back to my quarters to refresh myself. What is the point of staying at the office doing nothing? Other than staring at the netbook for hours, there's nothing much to do because it is still early and some of us have not entered the class yet. 

Today I only had one class with the Form 4 students, first EST class with them. It is a super duper quiet class. They only talked when I asked them questions. Gosh, I can't stand it. I have to think of something to make the class livelier. It is easy to do so when I teach English because there are so many activities to be carried out. But it is different with EST. All reading and no play. I want my class to be interesting. I tried to crack some jokes and thank God (syukur Alhamdulillah) they responded and laughed. *phew* I really need to find some ways to attract them cause they really want to learn the subject.

I thought I can have some rest today, after yesterday's ordeal (drunken monkey?). But the head of my department just told me that the meeting has to be rescheduled to today at 3 pm. Since he is always nice to me (for the past two years, he has been mentoring me on how to teach/handle EST class), so maybe I can just go and pretend that I am going for a movie instead. Besides, a consultant is going to join us for this meeting. I met her this afternoon and I have to say that I am very impressed with her so I am looking forward to gain something from and working with her.

It's 2 pm now, I still have time to sleep. More updates later!

Love,

I couldn't even walk properly

Pretty hectic day for me today, until I realized something this evening (5 January): I didn't take any food since last night (4 January) until after I finished Scout meeting at about 4.30 pm (5 January). How crazy is that? If it goes on like this I won't be surprised that I will be as thin as Paris Hilton by the end of the year. But there are some bad effects as well, migraine and gastric. I suffered both by the end of the day, resulting me to walk back to my house like a drunken monkey. It was horrible. I guess I learned my lesson the hard way and I promise to take a very good care of myself. 

Picture taken from here.

Love,

Second day... of working

It is the second day of working. What? Only second day? Means there are more than 300 days to go before the long awaited holiday? Ok, ok, I am just kidding. I really look forward to start working since mid December because I feel so helpless staying at home doing nothing. Besides I think I spent more money when I was on holiday (i.e. movies, karaoke, dining, shopping, etc). I know today is only the second day, but I hope I can achieve more and succeed in my career this year. No Less procrastinating, less playing, focus and concentrate more and perform better than last year. I know I can do it!

Picture taken from here.

Love,

Impian saya (My dreams)

I meant to post this a long time ago, but I kept on procrastinating, thus, it only appears in this brand new year. For this entry, I am going to write in my native language.

Setiap orang mempunyai impian. Ok, scratch that. I don't want to begin with a sentence from secondary school essay reference book. Let's restart.

Saya akui, saya memang mempunyai impian yang yang sangat tinggi, tetapi bagi saya munasabah dan dapat dicapai seandainya saya yakin dengan kemampuan diri saya sendiri. Untuk orang  yang mempunyai "self-esteem" yang rendah seperti saya, cepat menggelabah dan panik sebelum mencuba, perkara yang susah sememangnya akan menjadi lebih susah untuk dibuat.

Tetapi kali ini, saya telah bertekad untuk mencapai impian saya. Jadi apakah impian saya? Impian saya ialah untuk melanjutkan pelajaran peringkat Master dan PhD di Amerika Syarikat. Senang sahaja bukan? Lagi senang jika mempunyai sumber kewangan yang kukuh. Kenapa saya memilih negara barat yang sangat jauh? Kenapa tak di negara sendiri sahaja? Ada sebab-sebabnya kenapa saya nekad membuat pilihan ini.

Pertama, kos yang saya nak ambil belum ada lagi di sini. Apa kos itu? Biarlah rahsia dulu. Ayah pernah mencadangkan dan hendak menaja jika saya memilih Australia, tetapi bagi saya, kos ini sudah betul-betul establish di Amerika Syarikat berbanding dengan negara-negara lain. Lagipun, saya tidak mahu bergantung sepenuhnya dengan ayah dan mahu melanjutkan pelajaran menggunakan hasil titik peluh sendiri. Pada saya itu lebih berbaloi dan berharga.

Kedua, saya mempunyai impian untuk menjelajah kesemua 50 buah negeri di Amerika Syarikat, termasuk Hawaii dan Alaska. Saya mahu merasai pengalaman bermain salji, duduk bersantai sambil membaca buku di Central Park, minum kopi di kafe tepi jalan di New Orleans sambil menikmati alunan muzik jazz, memakai topi koboi dan bercakap dalam aksen western di Texas, bersantai di tepi pantai di Hawaii, tidur di motel-motel dan banyak lagi. Indah bukan?

Yang terakhir sekali mungkin memang sangat mengarut. Saya perlu mencipta memori baru dan melupakan segala-galanya yang pernah berlaku di sini. Kawan saya pernah bertanya, "K, kenapa kamu selalu lari apabila berdepan dengan masalah?". Saya bukan lari dari masalah, kalau boleh, saya mahu hadapi semuanya. Tetapi bagi insan yang complicated seperti saya, masalah yang saya maksudkan ialah masalah yang berkaitan dengan hati dan perasaan. Ya, saya sangat lemah apabila berdepan dengan situasi yang melibatkan hati (matters of the heart). Apabila saya suka dengan seseorang, seboleh-bolehnya saya akan lari kerana saya tidak mahu merumitkan keadaan yang telah sedia rumit. Saya tahu agak susah nak difahami kerana saya sendiri pun tidak faham. Selagi saya berada di sini, selagi itu hati saya akan berasa tidak tenteram. Jadi saya perlu berada lebih jauh daripada orang yang saya suka supaya saya dapat melupakan orang itu dan move forward/move on.

Jadi, pada petang tadi, saya telah mengisi dan menghantar borang-borang untuk melanjutkan pelajaran ke peringkat Master di Amerika Syarikat melalui online dan berdoa agar mendapat tawaran secepat yang mungkin. Kalau boleh, saya mahu pergi tahun ini juga, tetapi secara logiknya, saya perlu menunggu sekurang-kurangnya sehingga awal tahun depan. Jadi, mulai dari hari ini, saya akan menghitung hari dengan penuh kesabaran. Ya Allah, permudahkanlah segalanya. Amin.

Saya rasa kamu pasti dapat membuat kesimpulan daripada entri ini bukan?

"The one who wants me, I don't want to. The one who I want, doesn't want me."

Love,

2011

It's the second day of 2011, still not too late to wish everyone a very Happy New Year. May this year brings everything good to all of us.

Love,

Relationship? No?

Many people have asked me about my relationship status, including my dear beloved mother, and sad to say I have to disappoint each and everyone of them with my non-existent love life. I don't want to pretend to have an imaginary boyfriend just so that I have something to talk about with others. I prefer to come clean and confess that I have been 'riding solo' (Jason Derulo, 2010) for quite sometime now.

I would be lying if I tell you that I never cared about not having someone special in my life. Sometimes, I do feel lonely, especially when I am walking around the shopping mall and seeing couples everywhere. But I never felt that I am a loser, just because I am not in a relationship. 

So how do I cope with this? Well, you can just assume that I am a workaholic. Everyday I will try to bury myself in work so that I won't be thinking about my pathetic love life. Socializing with my friends and students, be proactive, finding something worthwhile to do, such as reading, writing, daydreaming, tending my virtual farm, watching movies which I downloaded, daydreaming again and again and again also help me a lot. 

I haven't really found someone who can truly sweep me off my feet, yet. In the past I have fallen for sweet-talkers who only talk, talk, talk and no action (by action, I don't mean 'bedroom action'). Now, I am so sick of sweet-talkers, so don't sweet-talk me just so that you can get whatever you desire from me cause I might bash you in the head.

My aunt used to ask me, what are the criteria that I look for in a man/future partner? Well, my answer is very simple: tall, dark and handsome (anyone?). Ok, actually I didn't give that answer, I just shrugged the question off. But now, it got me thinking. So, what do I look for in a man/future partner? Here are the criteria, if you want to know. If not, maybe you can go somewhere else.

1. Tall (taller than me that is)
2. Not too thin, but not too fat either
3. Sweet, not too handsome, just sweet looking
4. Must have sense of humour (no stupid and lame jokes please)
5. Smells nice, B.O. is a no-no
6. No facial hair (a nice and trimmed goatee or beard is acceptable)
7. Hygienic (bath at least three times a day)
8. Responsible
9. Religious, so that he can lead me to the right path
10. Likes to smile
11. Can be serious, depending on the situation
12. Respect others
13. Preferably non-smoker
14. Most importantly, someone who can take care of me and grow old together

See? I am not that demanding. I am still a simple girl at heart. As long as the man loves me, I will love him back because I am very loyal when it comes to the matter of the heart. Maybe the man is hiding somewhere over the rainbow, but nevertheless, I will keep on waiting and waiting. In the meantime, let me just enjoy my singlehood before it comes to an end, no? ;)

Love, 

I don't have any idea what to put in the title

I know, I know. In my last post here, I did mentioned that I will try to update my blog as often as I can. But every time when I open it, I would be staring at the blank page, wondering what to write. I don't want to write something lame, like "Today I went out, I ate this, I did that...", you get what I mean. I tried to read as many books as I can, but there is not much that you can get when you are reading chick lit (to me, reading chick lit is merely for pleasure, I don't really think but I imagine a lot, especially on the lovey-dovey and mushy gushy part, I mean who doesn't?).

But then again, giving long and winding excuses is also not an option, especially to me, since I have been blogging since 2005. So there shouldn't be any excuses not to update my blog as often as I can, right? *sigh* Sometimes, I just wish that I can write whatever that comes to my mind with ease, not pausing every other second to check on my farm (virtual farm that is). Well, I guess, a writer wannabe do get writer wannabe's block. Then again, it's not an excuse. See how complicated I can be?

Anyway, I will TRY my best to write anything and everything under the sky, except for something private and offensive. Just wish me luck and pray as hard as you can. ;)

Love,

Sweet love story

I found this story from Facebook, but I can't remember from who. A very sweet love story. Don't you wish you have a husband like him?

Bila aku teringat balik cerita nih..aku mesti tergelak sorang-sorang…

Alkisahnya…aku nih ditakdirkanlah kawin dengan sorang mamat nih..ntah dari mana la datangnya…mak aku yang suruh..dia kata budak nih baik la alim la pandai la..lepas tu terus kami kawin.

Masa first time kawin tu, memang kucar kacir gak arr rumah tangga kami..dan yang aku paling tak tahan tu dia memang selalu saja buat aku sakit hati…

Eiiiii…geramnya aku!!!

Mana taknya,aku basuh baju dia sekali la ngan baju aku..then lepas basuh..nak jadi cerita..ada lah plak baju dia yang turun warna melekat kat baju aku….haihhh..memang sakit hati…baju baru kot…mahal lagi!!! Then bila aku tanya dia..kenapalah tak bagitau aku yang baju dia ada yang turun warna..dengan slumber dia kata..

”Lah..awat tak tanya…”

Eiii..geramnya aku!!!

Selang beberapa hari, dia ada ajak aku pi shopping.Ok,fine..aku ikut jer la…weekend la katakan. Lepas tu nak jadi cerita, dia punyalah excited nak pi shopping..sampai aku kalih kalih belakang..HILANG!!..

Aku cari gak dekat dekat area situ kot kot ada tapi memang hampeh…Aku try call, tak angkat..call lagi pon tak angkat..huhh..tension betul!! Then, aku amik keputusan tunggu kat kereta jer..seminit,..lepas tu dua minit,… lepas tu….SEJAM KOT!! Huhh..memang sakit hati betul!! Then bila dia mai dekat kereta, aku tanya, pegi mana? kenapa call tak angkat??!! Yang aku tak tahan, dia dengan slumber jawab..

“Lah..gi shopping la sayang…owh..ada call ekk?? Alah..lupa nak bagi tau…terlupa bawa hanset..hehe..”

Eiiii..geramnya aku!!!!

 Seminggu lepas tuh..dia kata teringin nak makan masak ayam berempah dengan masak lemak cili  api.. ok..fine…aku masak jer…Tapi memang la aku nih tak la pandai masak sangat…tapi bolehlah klu setakat nak makan kan..aku hidang bagi dia makan…Masa first time dia suap kat mulut tuh…Aku bajet dia nak kata apa-apa..Tapi dia diam..Memang tak kata apa-apa pon sampai dia habis makan..Habis makan pon tak kata apa..

Aku pon confius…dia ni no respond..sedap ka tak?? Hmm..klu ikut aku la..orang yang masak ni la kan…aku rasa ok jah lah..tapi tak tau la orang yang makan nak kata apa..huhhh…..

Esok plak, time aku on the way nak balik dari tempat keje, kereta aku plak wat hal..tak boleh start..panik gak arr aku time tuh..malam dah nih..nak masuk Isyak dah…haihh..time aku balik keje lewat2 lah keta nak wat hal..then, aku call dia…

Yang aku tak boleh tahan tu..dia dengan slumber kata..

“Lah awat la call saya…call la mekanik…ingat call saya keta awak bleh jalan??….”

Eiii…geramnya aku!!!

Tapi…dia mai jugak lepas tuh…ada lah dia check apa ntah kt depan bonet tuh…dan lepas start…terus boleh…hmmm..dalam hati…aku kata,

“bleh la jugak mamat nih nak diharap…mekanik kecil-kecilan, janji free”…

Satu hari, dia ada bagitau yang dia kena pi outstation kat overseas. Dia kata pi kejap jah…2 MINGGU!!..hmm..aku memang no komen lah…dia nak pi buat keja dia…takkan nak kata tak boleh kot…keja arkitek…biasalah…busy la kot…

Tapi..memang agak sakit hati jugak lah..bleh dia lesap macam tu jah..lepas2 naik flight....kot2 la nak call bagitau dah sampai ka..ada kat mana ka…tapi memang hampeh!!..langsung dia tak call!! Kot2 la nak bagi emel ka..tapi memang tak dak…kosong inbox!!

Eiii…geramnya aku!!!

Pagi tuh..aku basuh baju…ok..sekarang aku dah taw dah baju mana yang turun warna…aku ambik satu persatu dalam bakul nak basuh..sampai la aku jumpa bungkusan misteri dekat bahagian bawah baju-baju tuh…jeng3..huishh..siap dengan surat lagi..

Suratnya berbunyi begini:

Kehadapan isteriku (cewahhh..),

            Semoga berada dalam keadaan yang sihat sentiasa…jangan marah-marah ek..hehe..Saya bukannya apa…saja tulih surat nih..bosan…tak tau nak buat apa…hihi

            Pertama sekali…saya nak bagi tau lah..mungkin awak tak kenal saya..tapi saya kenal jer awak…sejak awak darjah 6 lagi kot!! Haha..eh..awak tak ingat ka anak Pak Mail kawan ayah awak yang mai beraya kat umah awak time tuh??!! …Masa tuh..saya nampak awak dok main masak-masak kat belakang umah…hahaha…memang sangat lucu…saya nampak awak macam 'anak patung'..comel sangat…

Ishkk..awak ni..tak berasan ker??

            Keduanya, sori la pasal hal shopping tuh..memang saja jer saya tak mau bawa hanset time tuh…hihi..takot terkantoi…yer la…saya pi cari baju awak kot!! Ingat baju yang awak kata terkena warna tuh?? Huh…memang tension..susah btul nak cari..memang patut la mahal dan memang patot la awak bengang satu hari…hihi…

            Ketiganya, pasal ayam berempah dengan masak cili api yang awak masak…hmm…mesti awak bengang kan sebab saya no respond…huhu…sebab SEDAPPPP SAAANGAT  sampai saya jadi tak terkata…Eh,saya makan dalam masa 5 minit ja kot..ikut jam dinding kat umah kita…

Ishkk..awak ni..tak berasan ker??

            Keempatnya…time keta awak rosak…hmm..awak tau tak saya CANCELLLL appointment saya dengan klien penting dari overseas sebab nak pi kat awak??!! Lepas2 tuh..jenuh saya nak pujuk diorang balik…Tau tak saya langgar smua traffic light merah!! Baju saya basah dengan peluh masa saya sampai kat awak??

Ishkk..awak ni..tak berasan ker??

            Tapi lepas saya tahu saya kena pi outstation kt overseas..saya lagi seronok…happy glerr..sebab saya tau awak mesti rinduuu kat saya kan..kan2?? Saya memang saja jer tak call awak…hihi…tapi saya ok jah…saya rasa saya dah sampai dah kot lepas awak baca surat nih…

“Wow,look at the Eiffel Tower!! Fuyoo!!! Cantik kot!! “

Hahahahahaaaaaaaa..jangan jeles..(^-^)

            Last but not least…awak..awak jangan nakal-nakal ekk…sebab saya saaaaayang awak…

P/S: Try tengok sama x dengan baju awak yang rosak ari tu “bungkusan” nih…hihi

                                                                                                            Love,

                                                                                                            Suamimu

Exhausted

I am tired beyond words. Too many things to do and too little time. I feel like I have been buried underneath piles of work and there are three more weeks for me to get myself out of the mess. 

End of the year holiday will be spent mostly at home, giving moral supports to my sister, who is going to sit for her SPM later and also celebrating Christmas at my mother's hometown. I can't wait because I haven't been there for quite a long time. Hopefully I'll meet "the one " there. *Fingers crossed* 

On the other note, although I am single and mostly available, but I have been friends with a few guys. We exchange messages through Facebook and a few of them seriously annoyed the hell out of me with their stale jokes. When I say "sense of humour", I don't mean for the guy to tell stupid jokes all the time. It means the guy has to know when is the right time to spontaneously tells his jokes. 

But there's this one particular guy who keeps me entertain with his long messages and I always look forward to read them. He sounds very positive in every message and he has vision. Plus, he is not afraid to try new things, despite having a to-do list. I am beyond impressed with his achievement and philosophy. How I wish I can be as philosophical like  him as well. Then I wouldn't easily give up. He has confidence that others don't and he inspires me to fulfill my job a a chief invigilator during past examination. Truth is, I don't have confidence in myself, but after exchanging messages with him, I managed to do my job without fear. I look forward to hangout with him, that is if we can meet end of this year. This doesn't mean that I love him or whatsoever. I just love getting to know and be with someone so positive.

I guess I better pen off now as I have tons of work to do.Till then.

Love,